I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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