I hate your face
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
