He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
did i just pee glitter
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
