I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
