lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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