at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
