There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
