she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
