why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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