I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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