I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
