the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
