I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize