Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
