So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
