If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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