I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
