is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize