i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
