ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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