im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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