i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
