Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
