Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
