dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I supernannyed him into submission
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize