Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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