I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can Purell be used as lube?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
