I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
