I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
