please come you make the beer taste better
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
