I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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