what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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