and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You dont lie about slip and slides
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize