Umm I'm too high to move.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
