the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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