i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
