bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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