nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize