I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
