dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
