I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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