i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my liver is dry heaving
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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