Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
