xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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