Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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