Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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