I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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