woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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