i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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