he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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