Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
