glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
