she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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