Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize