I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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