she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
