Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
