Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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