Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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