HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
