After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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