The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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