It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
