I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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