found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
