it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
