did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
now i know why i became what i already was.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
