I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
