The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize