sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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