Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am one with the molecules
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize