i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
