Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
