i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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