i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
