My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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