I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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