Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize