Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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