we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
