is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
